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No Resolutions, Just Boundaries: A New Year’s Shift I stopped making New Year’s resolutions a few years ago. They always felt like a performance, a list of promises I knew I’d struggle to keep by mid-February. Eat healthier. Wake up earlier. Write more. They sounded great in theory, but they always left me feeling like I wasn’t enough. Like I had to be more, do more. But this year, I’m not interested in chasing some idealized version of myself. I’m interested in protecting th

Life can throw the most unexpected curve balls, leaving us feeling emotionally exhausted, lost, and unsure about the direction of our lives. Whether it's losing a job, a loved one, a relationship, or even a pandemic forcing us to re-evaluate our priorities, the truth is that starting over is never easy. We've all heard the adage, "when one door closes, another one opens," but the truth is that the hallway leading to the next door is often dark and uncertain. Navigating throug

Yesterday I invited someone to my new boutique and I said, 'I know it's not much, but come see it." Almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized my mistake. Although it's true that my boutique and WorthShop space do not take up a great deal of square footage, it is a huge deal to me! The name of my shop is North Star and in it, I sell gifts made by women-owned businesses. In the space across the hall, I have a WorthShop where I host small group gatherings, suc

In the past few years, I've found myself defending being a Christian. I've had people ask me how I could be a part of a religion that has historically oppressed people who look like me. My own father was ashamed that I could worship a God that was forced upon my earliest ancestors and used to justify their eradication and enslavement. Our people, he explained, worshiped the air, the trees, the rivers and the lakes, and those who were just beyond the veil. In post-Trump Americ

There’s a story of a master teacher who speaks to his class and asks a simple question: “How do you know when it is morning?” One brave student rushes in with an answer: “I know when it is morning because I can tell my dog from my cat in the early morning light.” The teacher rubs his beard in thought but remains silent. Another student, the smartest in the class, answers the question with confidence. She says, “I know it’s morning when I can see the many shades of green-the d

Do you know how beautiful you are? I don't think you do. Why can't you see your magnificence? What will it take for you to honor your own unique beauty? You ignore the way your smile brightens up the room and your eyes shine when you are happy. Why can't you see that the world is a better place because you are in it? Instead, you have measured your beauty by standards that don't matter. No one really cares how much you weigh or how old you are. The color of your hair or skin

Y'all I almost lost my Zen this afternoon in Walmart. It wouldn't have been pretty either. You see I was waiting in the 20 Items or Less and this woman rolled up on me and gave me colossal attitude. Although I can't remember exactly what she said, I do know the tone was nasty and I envisioned myself snatching her by her mangy hair and beating her to a bloody pulp right there by cashier #3. I was truly about to set it off in Walmart! Of course, I would have had to call my husb

I hate to admit it, but I have not always been a good steward of my time. I've often squandered it and acted as if I had the ability to create more. Years ago, I had someone place 8 dimes in my palm and asked me to remove the coins that represented the decades I had already lived. It was no problem sliding three dimes onto the table. When I looked at the 5 coins remaining, I thought I had a lot of time left. Each dime represented a decade and she gave me 8 because the average

There is the kind of light that makes me reflexively bring my hand to my eyes and temporarily blinds me. It’s the light of December snow on a surprisingly sunny day or the sharp edge of a kitchen knife blade held up to the fluorescent kitchen light as I decide where to make the first cut. This light, to me, is always masculine. It is the light of the sun that penetrates and probes places that I’ve kept hidden from others, sometimes even from myself. Light that expects me to r

When I was in elementary school I had a music teacher who often used the expression "Fat meat is greasy.” It took many years for me to finally understood what she meant. The point that she was trying to make is that sometimes stuff just is and there’s not a whole lot you can do to change things. In the case of fat meat, you can season it and cook it as healthily as possible but in the end, it’s still greasy. I know in my own life I have had to learn (often the hard way) the t

There is so much in life that I don't understand and there is so much of this universe that I have never seen and probably never will, but there are some things that I do know for sure. Here it goes: 1. In the end, love is all that matters. 2. Sugar, meat, and stress will kill you. 3. You never have to try to impress the people who truly love you. 4. A good bottle of wine can turn an ordinary evening into an extraordinary one. 5. Never marry a man (or woman) who doesn't take

"And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper" (Psalms 1:3-4). Lately I've been thinking about trees. I realize this may sound crazy, but I'm now beginning to realize that in order to really appreciate life I must learn to be a tree. Trees, you'll notice, bend with the force applied towards them. They lean into the storm and never try to resist. Th

Why do people keep giving me their shit to eat and then call me ungrateful when I tell them that I don't eat shit? They serve it up on beautiful plates and expect me not to notice that what they've given me is not what I've asked for? The flowers on the table and the soft music playing in the background do not disguise what's actually being offered. I'm too old to pretend that I don't notice the smell. You see when I was younger, I was content with make believe. I enjoyed tak

I don’t believe God cares whom we love as long as we remain open to the possibility of love. No matter how hard I try to understand the Fundamentalists who preach that God hates homosexuals, I can’t help but hear the fear and ignorance beneath their loud diatribes. Yes, I am familiar with Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 but I am also familiar with all of the other scriptures that speak against the other sins: judgment, gossiping, overeating, coveting, fornication and adultery. Sin,

Right now I'm sitting in a diner in Savannah, Georgia and the Marvin Gaye classic "Inner City Blues (Makes Me Wanna Holler)" is playing on the radio in the background. Well, it's got me thinking about all the women who I talk to who express discontent with their lives. Like Gaye, they wanna "throw up their hands" because someone always wants something from them. It feels like they're working thankless jobs that aren't in alignment with their values and there never seems to be

Lately, I've been thinking about the metaphorical sandcastles we women build and I have two questions to ask you, my dear reader, how are you building the castle and is it really your castle that you're building? I lived in Florida most of my adult life. I went to college and graduate school there, and that's where I raised my children. Having lived so close to the ocean, I know a thing or two about building sandcastles because that's how we spent many of our afternoons. Unl

Recently when I was at a crossroads in my life, a dear friend showed up with a gift for no apparent reason other than Spirit put it upon her heart to purchase it for me. The gift was a small plaque that read The Hardest Thing in Life is to Know Which Bridge to Cross and Which Bridge to Burn. Wow! I thought! All of my adult life I have been taught never to burn bridges, but this gift helped me to see that maybe I had received poor advice. Without a bridge we often look at phys

I believe strongly in morning rituals. Through the years, I've noticed that when I'm intentional about setting time aside first thing in the morning it sets the tone for the rest of my day. I find that I'm less anxious and overwhelmed and I have the emotional capacity for others. When I first began this practice, I thought it had to be something elaborate. I thought I had to commit to reading whole passages of scripture, completing a full 60-minute powerflow, and then meditat

How many times have you looked in the mirror and wished that someone could know you for who you really are? Someone who you don’t have to explain yourself to or put on a happy face for. An individual who knows your past and who understands the dreams you have for the future. So often in relationships we feel misunderstood and frustrated because our intentions are misinterpreted. We spend countless hours explaining, justifying, clarifying, and analyzing our every gesture, thou

“Enlightenment for a wave is the moment that wave realizes that it is water. At that moment, all fear of death disappears.“ --Thich Nhat Hanh With the grace of God I have accomplished a great deal in life, but when I tell my story I prefer to focus on the parts where I struggled. To me those moments when I felt that I would forever be lost at sea can be a lighthouse to another person. I truly believe it was through those difficult times that I realized exactly what I was made